


dollhouse // lashton

by tothmoon



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mostly Fluff, Multi, Not A Happy Ending, artist!Ashton, fem!Luke, hospital au, makeout session maybe once or twice, not much smut i mean they have cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-01 12:28:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8624491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothmoon/pseuds/tothmoon
Summary: ❝your room looks like a dollhouse.❞ ❝shut up, i have cancer.❞





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> or the one where ashton has an obsession with drawing and luke loves the color pink a bit too much.

idea from the show red band society  
—  
ashton thought that now he'd dropped out of high school, he could finally do something with his life.  
but no.  
cancer decided to take over his head and leave him bed ridden.  
he's taken to a hospital. a teenage hospital, with kids struggling with the same thing as he.  
the first day he's there, he's moved into a room with pale pink walls and precious little girly things. and he thought; awe this girl will be adorable! but oh was he wrong.  
a ocean eyed, sunshine haired boy was the one in the bed next to ashton.  
first words he said to luke were;  
"your room looks like a dollhouse."  
and luke replied, with a soft pink tint to his cheeks,  
"shut up, i have cancer."  
—  
woo i am so excite for this hopefully y'all will like it :-)


	2. day one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (this ones short soz)  
> luke gets the best news of his life basically

luke's pov

journal entry- may 25th  
—  
whenever im at the hospital and im staring up at the ceiling i think; exact color of my mind...the cold, meaningless white...sometimes i wonder if they make the ceilings that color so it makes you think you're in heaven...but heaven isn't white. it's black. it's endless, never ending black void of nothingness. hospitals just lie to you. death is inevitable. few live to tell the tale. and even if that tale is true, they'll say you're insane. hospitals like to tell you that heaven is just the same color of the blank ceiling. heaven is just a dream and there is no light. just...a ongoing dark space that makes you feel like you're falling and you're waiting for the ground to reach you but you look down and its just infinite inside of your brain. nothingness. maybe it's just a sign to me saying you're going to hell and hell is right here, every day, in your head and you're too broken to ever know what heaven looks like. hell is your head. hell is your thoughts, your actions. the world around you is hell and youre so familiar with the word death and the feeling that you're too far gone to notice that the world is on fire and you're already dead.  
-  
i finish writing, then put my book down.  
"ugh." i say to my misha collins stand up. (a girl named charlie gave it to me, but she died. i've learned to not get attached to people, they die anyway.)  
today was nice, for once. the doctors let me keep my window open, which had a perfect view of the hollywood sign.  
i've always wanted to climb up there to see it, but i doubt that i ever will.  
my conditions you ask? don't even get me started. on top of being the legit most lonely person on this earth, i have ependymomas (a type of brain cancer), some type of cell cancer, and multiple other things wrong with my sickly lanky body.  
i was the only person in the whole hospital that didn't have a roommate.  
day after day, round of chemo after round of chemo.  
i was strong, i told myself that. my doctor, alex, told me that, with my conditions, i should've died three years ago.  
so saying that i'm alive today is pretty cool story to tell to the very few visitors i get.  
my only friend is my misha stand up.  
also, my room is pink. yeah, pink.  
my room just looks like a my little pony movie threw up on my walls.  
just how i like it.  
—  
"morning, lukey." alex comes in with her signature day brighting smile.  
"morning, alex." i attempt to smile back. it's hard with you have a tube taped to your face.   
she sets the tray down that has all my daily shots, pills, and all sorts of medicine.  
"i have very good news for you, lovie."  
"oh my gosh, you do?"  
she starts giving me the shots, "you're getting a roommate today."   
—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for everyone who's given kudos omg this is crazy lolz my insta is @tothmokn if ya wanna be friends or somethin idk im so lonely man


	3. day two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ashton meets this boy who is abnormally pale with teddy bears on his hospital gown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw luke is a little i just didn't put it in the tags lmao hope this is good :)

ashton's pov  
—  
this place smelled like death.  
teen angst and death.  
the lingering smoke from a cigarette here and there.  
simply, in one word, depressing.  
"do i have to stay here?" i sigh and complain to my mother.  
she nods, "as much as i hate to leave you, yes. this hospital will help you get better and you'll make friends, too."  
"if i don't die too quick."  
my mom rolls her eyes, "lord, ashy, be positive." she kisses my cheek and bids me goodbye as im escorted by a nurse named alex to my home, for now.  
its empty, but very pink.  
i jump a little, the first thing i encounter being a big castiel cutout staring at me from the corner.   
theres a record player that has shawn mendes softly filling the room.   
i get myself comfortable on my side of the room, which has my art things, books and my laptop set neatly on a mini bookshelf, with plenty of chargers and room to reach.   
i cough as i sit down, groaning softly in pain.   
its cozy, but god, its so much pink.  
the other side of the room has many stuffed animals, pacifiers, pastel colored hospital gowns, coloring books, crayons and blankets.  
"if im sharing a room with a baby...jesus kill me now."  
"oh, don't talk about death so soon." i hear a quiet voice say, then i hear the bed beside me creak as the person sits down. "live in the now, its better than later."  
i look up, and i see a boy.  
this whole time i thought it was going to be a girl i'd be sharing a room with the rest of my pathetic life.  
now i'd be lying if i said this boy wasn't precious.  
he had messy blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin.   
he was wearing those frilly ankle socks like the ones my sister wore when she was six and a pale purple hospital gown with teddy bears on it.  
"im luke." the boy says. "you must be ashton?"  
i blink, suddenly losing the ability to speak.  
he cracks a little smile, "you can't talk? that sucks. i was looking forward to a little more noise."  
i snap back into reality, "no..no i can talk...hi, luke, yes i'm ashton."  
then he giggles and i think i'm already in heaven.  
"nice to meet you, ashton. can i call you ashy?"  
"sure, why not. your room looks like a dollhouse."  
he blushes as he picks up a crayon, "shut up, i have cancer."


	4. day three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ashton tells his dreams to the boy who is apparently taller than him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest chapter i've ever written wow thats sad lmao

luke's pov  
—

praise the lord for giving me company.  
even better, really cute company with an amazing ability to draw.  
"is it fun here?" the green eyed boy asks.  
i shrug, "i've been here most of my adolescent being, so no, its not."  
ashton chuckles, "big sentence for such a little boy."  
i feel myself blush a little, "don't underestimate me. i've got a big brain."  
"woahh, slow down on the fighting words." ashton leans back in the bed and fixes his gown, pulling a blanket over himself.  
i don't say anything back, i just sit criss cross and stare at the lana del rey poster on the back of the door.  
"i'm going to ask you something and its going to sound stupid, but i just want to know an answer from someone besides alex." i say, breaking the silence.  
"go ahead." ashton says, reading a book, catcher in the rye, to be specific.  
"whats outside like?"  
ash pushes up his glasses, closes his book, then looks at me confused, "hm?"  
i look back at him, "whats the outdoors like? what do the flowers smell like? is snow really that cold?"  
ash just looks at me completely baffled, "they let you go outside here...right?"   
i nod, "unless you're like me and your conditions prohibit you from doing so."  
ashton gets this face and it makes me giggle, it looks like he just had an epiphany. "oh!" he says. "i get it now, sorry." he giggles, too.  
"so?" i get excited, i can't wait to hear about the wonderful things outside my hospital room walls.  
"first off, yes, the snow is very cold. but its fun. you can ball it together and throw it at people, its called a snowball fight. then, you can build it up, make snowmen!"  
my eyes widen, "woaah! that sounds like so much fun!"   
he giggles and nods, "the outdoors is just a place of fun. you can go to lakes, oceans, and pools, coffee shops, art rooms..."  
he keeps going, and i just look at him in awe.   
"my favorite thing is hiking, have you ever done that before?" ashton asks.  
i shake my head.   
"well, what you do is you go into the mountains and you just explore. you can see all sorts of animals; bears, rabbits, deer."  
i giggle, "i've seen deer before! but only in pictures. are they shy?"   
ashton nods, "it's really hard to take pictures of them...when was the last time you went outside?"  
i think, "umm...when i was five?"  
he frowns, "how old are you?"  
"nineteen."  
ashton looks at me in shock. "fourteen years?"  
i nod. "i've been in about five hospitals. i've stayed the longest in this one. i have no family."  
he gasps a little, "none at all?"  
i shrug, "i mean, i could. they haven't spoken to me ever since i was taken to this hospital when i was eleven."  
ashton then hugs me. his touch is warm, like a teddy bear. "im so sorry, luke." he whispers into my shoulder.  
i giggle a little, "what are you doing?"  
"hugging you. have you not been hugged before?"  
"no. not that i can remember."  
ashton pulls away and looks at me.  
i am much smaller than he is. he is muscular and tan, while im pale and skinny.  
but, i do notice something.  
"i'm taller than you."  
"i am?"  
we both sit up straight, "how tall are you?" ashton asks.  
"i'm 6"3"  
"damnit, im only six foot."  
i giggle, "that's only three inches difference." i lay down and wince at the tiny sharp of pain in my arm when my iv moves.   
"still."  
i look at him, "where are you from? tell me about yourself."  
"i'm not interesting." ashton sighs as he lays down in his bed.  
"oh, that's bull. you seem like a wonderful person."  
ashton chuckles, "you really want to know about me?"  
i nod.  
"well." he starts. "i'm from nowhere. i don't have a home. no one does. we're constantly moving and home is your heart, in which mines sick, so i don't think i really have a home. a place where i belong."  
i frown, "where we you born?"  
"san francisco. but i hate it there. i hate it here. i hate california, im sick of it. i just want to get out in the world, specifically amsterdam. or paris, new york. god, just somewhere, anywhere but here...a place where i can open a coffee shop, be an art student and bike around the city...write poetry and maybe make music. i want to express myself to more people, not to the small about of people who live in this town."  
i stare at him. you can see it in his eyes, he had hope.   
"if cancer was a person, i'd kill him for you." i blurt out. that sounded too flirty..shit.  
ashton does a little smile thats almost a smirk, "thanks luke."  
"i'll take you to those cities one day. we'll get over this, i know so."  
ashton looks at me, "that'll never happen. i've accepted my fate. i came here and i'll die here."  he then turns his back to me and falls asleep.  
i grab my laptop and type, tickets to new york.  
this place seemed wonderful. it was a land of the dreamers.   
ashton was a dreamer, so was i, this city was calling us, it was made for us.   
i scroll through my laptop and my smile grows with every word i read. i cannot imagine all the fun we could have. we could go to the museum of modern art, ride our bikes in central park and go see a musical on broadway.   
it dawned on me, i still hadn't used my wish for the make-a-wish foundation. alex had also told me that if the procedure i was getting soon worked, i wouldn't be cured, but i could go outside.  
i look over and a snoring ashton, "don't worry ashy. i'll make your dream come true."


	5. day four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's christmas time and ashton finally finds the answer to love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for not updating in so long, school has been so stressful.
> 
> i am mostly active on my insta @piledrihverwaltz feel free to follow :-)

_ashton's pov_

 

at the time my eyes opened to a new day, the soft sunlight was filling up the room, bed beside me empty.

before i can ponder on where luke could have gone, my stomach growls. almost on cue, alex walks in with my breakfast.

"good morning, ashton." she smiles as she sets the tray of food down.

"good morning." i smile back. "where's luke?"

"surgery." she replies and begins to give me my daily shots.

i frown and eat the surprisingly good oatmeal, "will he be okay?"

alex nods, "luke gets up to seven surgeries a month. he's a strong boy."

i wasn't surprised by her answer. you could tell with luke's skinny body, littered with scars and bruises, that he had been through a lot. before i can take another bite of my food, a pained scream echoes through the halls and i drop my spoon. alex is startled as well, but her expression quickly changes.

"that's luke, he woke up." she then runs out of the room.

i loose my appetite, so i push my food away then grab my journal and start writing.

 _pain is something that this horrible world knows too well. there are so many cries for help, and we say those cries are being tended too, they are becoming quieter, but that's a lie. they are louder, desperate for an escape. our voices are people now and those against us lock our voices up in cages. we are torn masterpieces with a meaning no one will ever understand. we are ideas thrown away on crumpled pieces of paper, paralyzed by time and terror. we know pain all too well. screw what they say, cages are never soundproof and we will scream until the universe knows our name. suffer we may, give up we shall not. we will walk streets famished, our flags torn, held up high with our heads towards the sky. pain is known all too well here, but loosing is never a choice_.

 

i set my journal down, laying back on my bed, soon drifting back to sleep. — when i awake again, the bed beside me is full. the blonde boy is awake as well, staring blankly up at the ceiling.

"luke?" i ask quietly. he doesn't reply.

"hey." i frown and push my bed towards to him then i hold luke's hand. "it's okay."

still, he stays silent.

i know exactly what to do. i get up from my bed, with the very little strength that i have, tucking the tiny blonde in with all his blankets and stuffed animals. i press the button, requesting two mugs of hot chocolate, with extra marshmallows. i turn on home alone, knowing it was not only his but my favorite christmas movie.

i see a smile form on luke's rosy cheeks, "home alone, my favorite." he whispers with a shaky tone.

i sit back down, wincing and breathing a little too quickly. i knew i shouldn't had done all that moving around, but it was worth the pain to see luke smile.

alex comes in with our mugs of coco, and luke's body language changes entirely. he sits up and sips the warm drink, smiling wider.

this was the first time i would spend my favorite holiday without my family. i wouldn't be able to experience the joy of waking up on christmas, running downstairs in pj's, awaiting whatever presents i was given. despite this, i could very slowly the feeling of joy and warmth, but it was mostly because of luke.

his blue eyes were sparkling, giggling at the movie on the television. "keep the change you filthy animal." he attempts to sound serious, it just sounds adorable.

it comes to my attention that luke hasn't spent the holidays with anyone for a majority of his life.

"hey luke?" i feel hesitant to start a conversation on the topic, nonetheless luke turns to me with a bright, happy face.

"yes, ashy?"

i kind of just look at him, searching for the words to say.

"why do you love christmas so much?"

he shrugs, "i never get presents, i don't even know what it's like to wake up with presents downstairs waiting to be opened. it's a very lonely season for me. still, it makes me happy seeing other people spread joy and love, even if it's not to me."

lord, this boy is way too good for this world.

"that's so sweet, lukey." is all i can say. the overwhelming feeling of love and the desire to just run away with this angel of a boy is washing over me like a tsunami.

 

if this is what falling in love feels like, if this is what contentment with life and living is, i never want it to end.


	6. day five.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> luke learns what love is.

lukes pov

it was two days later.

the pain from my surgery was gradually going away, and the comfort of ashton's warmth next to me was definitely helping.

alex let us keep our beds pushed together, so i held ashton's abnormally big hand as he slept.

i was still unclear on why he was here, what his conditions were. whatever it was, it was serious. he took a lot more medicine and had more chemotherapy than i did.

whenever he left, i felt empty. i felt like i was missing a tiny part of me, and it felt weird to not have his hand in mine.

when his eyes lifted open, i smiled at the sight of his beautiful green orbs.

"good morning." i say, a little too enthusiastic. "or well, good afternoon."

ashton coughs and mumbles groggily, "afternoon?"

his voice is deep, and it's so hot.

"yes. it's 3:15."

"fuuuck." he groans, running his fingers through his hair. "i missed my noon class."

"noon class?"

he nods, sitting up and visibly wincing in pain. "yeah, i take online college. julliard music school." ashton picks up his laptop, opening it up, then he starts typing away.

i gasp a little, julliard was my dream school, but i knew i could never afford it.

"that's awesome, ashton." i reply.

he smiles at me, what seemed to be a forced smile, "thanks. why can't you do it?"

"i don't have the money. i'll die soon anyway."

normally, i don't have that sort of negativity in life, but the more ashton talked to me and slapped me in the face with reality, i soon was realizing my life on this planet was short. maybe not so sweet.

ashton frowns, "now, don't you turn all soppy like me. i like your positivty, makes me happy."

me? i make ashton irwin happy?

im at loss for words. i know he didn't mean it in a deep way, but i've never had anyone tell me that.

"lukey? you okay?" ashton's soothing voice snaps me back into reality.

"yes. yes, im fine, i just zoned out." i giggle.

ashton smiles, for real this time, then goes back to doing his work.

alex then comes in, giving us our shots and medicine.

"what would you two like for lunch?"

"tomato soup and grilled cheese, please." ashton asks politely.

"vegan chicken panini, a salad and green chai tea please, extra hot."

alex rolls her playfully as she leaves, "coming right up."

"you're adorable, lukey."

i turn my head and ashton is staring at me. but, its a loving stare.

i feel my face burn up, like im on fire.

"thank you." i reply, tumbling over my words a little.

he starts leaning over, what is he doing? i ask myself in my head.

im focused on his movements, but i instantly come back when i feel his lips against my cheek.

what is he doing?

my eyes widen, im so shocked that thats my only reaction.

"have you never been kissed before?" ashton implores, his face still right next to mine.

"no." i squeak, turning to face him.

"can…can i kiss you? can i be your first?"

ashton searches for an answer in my eyes, "i don't really know what love is. i think it has to do with kisses in the rain, fancy dates, sex and drinking. who knows. i only read about it in poems, see it in moves. but, i think…" he grabs ahold of my hands, "this is it, this is a step up to love. i really like you, luke. if you're not ready to kiss, to love, i respect that. i know we don't know what it is, especially you since you've been here for so long…nonetheless, i wanna be with you on our little amount of time on earth."

i felt like a princess in the movies, i cannot believe he just said something so kind to me.

"i..i think i like you, too. and can you kiss me…?"

ashton smiles widely and nods.

he gently presses his lips to mine, and i can almost see the little birds and sparkles flying around.

ashton pulls away then looks at me.

"i love you." i say.

"i love you, too."


	7. 7. day six.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> luke goes into surgery (again) and ashton gets some quiet exciting news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all and happy new year! hopefully i'll be writing more, since i finally got a new laptop, god bless. hope you all have had a good year so far! sorry this is so short, i haven't had many ideas lately :/

> _ashton's pov_

 

i could still taste his lips lingering on mine. he was strawberries dipped in honey on a hot day by the beach, with sunkissed skin and salt in your hair. he was sweet as cherry wine. after he pulled away, it was like the slight sting of hot water on your skin after playing in the cold snow all day. 

i lay in bed, checking the time, and it read 3:30 am. the silver moonlight bounced off the walls, gently falling upon luke's pale skin. as i watched out the window, and tiny flurries of snow fell from the sky. i was tempted to wake the slumbering boy beside me, but i knew that luke wouldn't be happy. he doesn't like to be awoken from sleep for any reason.

star wars: revenge of the sith continued to play on the television, this was the seventh time it had played. luke love anakin skywalker. ashton loved padmé, so it worked for both boys.

alex then walked in and i quickly pretended i was asleep. i heard the mutter of doctors, and all i could make out were the words, "luke, deadly, surgery."

deadly surgery? oh, how that's comforting, especially since just a day earlier i confessed my undying love for the boy.

i try to not freak out, knowing if i do, my heart rate will go up and they'll know im listening. 

the spot beside me is soon empty; luke is gone.

the clock turns to 4:00 am. 

i don't even focus on the movie or the snow or the tick of the clock, all that's on my mind is him. 

what if i never see him again? what if kissing him yesterday was the only time i'll ever get to kiss him? questions run through my head like toxin and soon i find myself crying.

i look at the clock and it's only 4:05.

this was going to be a very long, very hard night.

—

i wake up and i hear birds chirpping. i check the time and it reads 6:30am, the sun is barely up.

and luke is still missing. as if i couldn't be more worried.

when alex walks in to give me my medicine, and i don't utter a word. sadly, i can't control silent tears.

"ashton, don't cry. luke is okay."

i stay silent. 

alex sighs then leaves the room. 

five hours pass and luke is still not back, he still isn't beside me.

but, there is something, it's an envelope.

i open it. there's a letter and two plane tickets;

dear ashton, 

i think dreams are something that everyone in this hospital has. now,new york, that's a special thing for us. because im horrible at words, i'm keeping this simple. pack your bags and meet me at the sydney airport. 

_we're going to new york, baby._


	8. day seven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day one in new york. there's a lot of people and luke is like a kid in a candy store.

_ashton's pov_

 

i was shocked. i just stared at the words on the page, the plane ticket, then out the window and back at the things in my hand.

luke, the luke that i love, risked his life by getting surgery so he could go outside, go to new york, and fufill both of our dreams.

i never thought that luke was serious when he said that he'd take my to new york.

i look over, and there was packed bags for me already. i get up, seeing a note from alex.

_there's an air tank beside your suitcase. make sure to use it at all times. luke has a five hours a day limit to be outside before it gets too much. but, don't let that stop you from having fun. live while you can, kid._

_x, alex_

i smile widely as i feel the excited and somewhat nervous butterflies fill my stomach. i set the breathing tubes in my nose, grab my bags and air tank then head down to the lobby where a limo is waiting.

i just laugh a little to myself, luke is crazy, i thought.

the chauffer, i think that's what it's called? takes my bags and opens the door for me. i nod my head as a thank you then get in.

there's snacks, waters, sodas, and a mini tv playing, of course, revenge of the sith.

the limo door shuts and soon, we're off to the airport.

once we get there, i'm told my bags have  been magically, i presume, transported to the plane and are already there. then, i learn luke and i have first class seating.

yeah, this boy is crazy.

i keep my backpack with me as i walk into the airport, carrying my air tank behind me.

"ashton!" i hear a familar voice squeak.

luke comes up to me and i realize just how tiny he is once he wraps his body around me in a hug.

"lukey!" i giggle and hug him back. 

"are you suprised?" he pulls away, his blue eyes sparkling.

i grin, "yes, baby boy. but, you're crazy. a limo, first class seating, and we're staying at four seasons hotel? who payed for all of this?"

"oh, me. i have a lot of money that i inherited from my foster aunt."

i kiss him, "you are still crazy."

he kisses back and giggles, "i know. c'mon, we're gonna miss our flight."

luke takes my hand and walks towards the gate, leading me onto the plane. we go to our seats, well it's a bed. a twin sized bed with pillows, a tv, drinks, and all sorts of other goodies.

"you first." luke says, kissing my cheek.

i giggle and sit down closest to the window, luke then following suit, sitting across from me.

"ever been on a plane before?" he asks me.

i nod, "a few times, yes."

i could tell that luke was in awe of this whole situation. it had been _years_ since he'd been able to go outside.

soon, the plane takes off. i was just happy we were only flying across the country, not the ocean. this would be a short flight, only five hours. there was a change in time zones, which sucked.

luke had cuddled up to my chest and dozzed off, he was just so cute. 

i took out my phone, glad we had payed for wifi. i text my interent friend, michael, asking what he's up to.

 _clifford the dog_ : 

WAIT ARE YOU FR??? IM IN NEW YORK! 

my heart skips a beat at his reply. 

_ash:_

NO FUCKING WAAY! WE SO HAVE TO MEET UP!

we end up full on planning each others meet up, then i learn his best friend calum is interent friends with luke. 

what are the chances?

—

earlier than i expected, luke and i are in the hotel room. 

"this is so stunning, luke, i can't believe you got us all this."

he giggles, "me neither. i just can't believe we are meeting our internet friends this afternoon."

we had left hollywood at 5:30 in the morning, but here in new york, it was 8:30.

"what is our plan first?" i ask.

luke lays back on the bed, "to enjoy it, ashy. life has no plan, you do as your heart desires."

i lay beside him, "you poetic fuck."

he just giggles, "you're the same way, don't deny it."

i put my hands up in defense, "you're right, you're right."

luke lays on his side and kisses me, "i love you, irwin."

"i love you too, hemmings."

the loud facetime call from my phone snaps me out of my trance. i reach over and michael's name is written on the screen. 

i answer and he yells, "ashtonn!!"

"ahh, louud, hiii." i say, luke giggling into my neck. 

"awww, is that the boyfriend you talk about all the time?" michael coos.

i nod and grin, pulling the tiny boy close to me. 

luke blushes, "oh stawwp."

"hehe, hiii, i can't wait to meet you!"

luke giggles, "i can't wait to meet you too!"

michael groans, "ugh, i gotta go. calum wants me to shower with him. byee, get some rest, see you in two hours at central park!" he ends the call with a big smile. 

"his hair was very blue." luke says. 

i laugh, "yes, true. it looks hot on him though."

luke nods, "oh yes. very true. when are we eating lunch?"

i laugh, "i believe calum made a picnic."

"yaay." he yawns and snuggles close to me, "i'm so exhausted. jet lag sucks."

before i can carry on the conversation, we're both fast asleep. 

—

we are both startled awake by the sounds of our phones blowing up. michael and calum are texting in all caps, _"COME TO THE PARK NOW!!!"_

we quickly get up, luke helping me with my air tank. he holds as my hand as we walk down to the taxi awaiting.

"eek, this is so exciting!" luke claps as we are driven to central park. 

"i know right! i have butterflies."

before we know it, the taxi driver stops and lets us out. i can see michael's bright blue hair from our spot on the sidewalk.

"CALUM!" luke screams and runs into his arms. michael's arms are soon wrapped around me, as well.

"oh my god, you smell so good." michael sniffs me.

i laugh, "you're such a weirdo, but you smell good too."

after our happy teared filled hugs, we set the picnic up and eat.

the smile spreading from ear to ear across luke's face is brighter than the sun and it's making me so happy.

to have this being the first time he's been outside in ages, i don't think he could have had a better experience.


	9. day eight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> luke has a tiny health scare and ashton starts to worry.
> 
> TW!!!!!! slight very brief mention of sui****.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> —  
> very sorry for not updating in so long my life has been crazy asf at the moment :/ hope this was good and sorry its short!

ashton's pov

 

luke, michael, calum and i were all laughing happily in the living room of the malum household. our fun filled afternoon had left luke especially exhausted.

luke's breathing was off, unsteady and he tried to hide it. michael and calum didn't notice, but i did.

i helped the boy i loved so dearly with his inhaler, but it didn't seem to help.

"luke. lukey, you're heart is beating crazy fast."

he suddenly busts out into heavy, quick breathes, holding onto my arm. his eyes go scared and panicked. i quickly grab an extra air tank alex had packed for us, and connected the tubes to him.

the other two boys then started to get alarmed, "should we call 911?" calum's voice quivered slightly.

luke's heartbeat began to slow down, "just wait a second," i say in a hushed tone.

luke looks at me and terror is filling the tears threatning to spill over his angel blue eyes.

his breathing doesn't cease, it continues to be fast paced and uneasy.

i try everything alex told me to do, but it doesn't help.

before i can even say it, michael is calling 911 and luke is passed out on the floor.

—

the next three hours were just a blur.

i sat, blank faced and empty in the waiting room of the new york city hospital. i stare at my air tank. my life was basically in a tube of metal on wheels. if i unhooked it from my body, i would be a goner. could that be considered suicide? if i made michael do it would it be murder?

so many thoughts are running through my head, i can't even speak to respond to the question i don't hear coming from calum.

"ashton." i finally hear calum say.

"yes." i reply, voice monotone.

"i've called your name fifteen times. are you okay?"

i just shake my head and snap back out of reality, going into my mind of depressing thoughts.

—

4:30 am.

a doctor comes out.

the look on the girl's face seemed sad, but not oh-your-friend-just-died sad.

"luke, he's okay. he had too much exposure to the outside air and his body was confusued, didn't know how to react or process it. he's awake, but very quiet. his room is the fourth floor, fifth door on your left."

i bolt to the elevator door, and up to his room.

my baby, that's all i could think about, oh god my baby boy was okay, he's alive!

i run into his room and scoop him into my arms, instantly feeling luke's arms pull me closer.

no words were spoken. actions were just enough.

"my baby...precious little baby.." i say softly into the crook of his neck.

luke starts to cry silently.

i gently rub his back, "shh, my little angel, it's okay now."

luke's tiny frame holds onto me for dear life as michael and calum walk in, looking just as concerned as i did. 

"don't worry, lukey." calum says, sitting down and joining the hug. "this isn't all new york has to offer for you."


	10. day nine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> luke leaves the hospital without a worry, but ashton is still skeptical.

_ashton's pov_

 

9:30 am

i didn't sleep. luke told me to, and i tried, i just couldn't. i mean it was 4:30 in the morning. the jet lag didn't help either. it wasn't anything new to wake up in a hospital. we'd almost forgotten we were in new york, that is, until calum and michael walked in with breakfast from chick fi la. 

"oh, hi." luke smiles weakly.

"ohh, wait we're in new york. i forgot." i giggle. 

michael rolls his eyes as he hands us our food, "eat, you losers."

"heyy, i'm not a loser." i retort as i take the bag from him, "thank you, idiot." 

"you're welcome." 

we eat and talk about the plans for the day, i wanted to go to the musuem of modern art, it was always a dream of mine.

"you're such an art hoe, ashton." calum tells me.

"sush. i just have a lonely, crazy mind, art is an escape because i understand it and it understands me." i say as i sip my tea.

"see, even when you argue it's poetic." 

luke giggles, "the doctor said i'll be okay now. they did some quick check ups and the air in my tank was flowing too fast, that's all."

i raise an eyebrow, "really? that's it."

luke nods and kisses my cheek, "no need to worry."

i keep looking at him skeptical, "that's all they said?"

luke nods again.

"okay. let's hope they were right."

—

about thirty minutes later, we were blasting crushcrushcrush by paramore, sitting in traffic on the way to the mall.

luke _begged_ us to go to sephora, and we were all hungry, so why not go spend money on stuff we'll never use?

that's what fucks me up.

is that i'll go spend money on something, clothes, books, brushes…one day, i'll die, and it'll all go to waste. 

i find myself silent, staring out the window at the different, bustling world i was temporarily living in.

temporary.

life, my time on earth is all just temporary.

my short-term existence will all come to an end soon. 

permanent.

my cancer. oblivion. 

amongst the saddest things, i do realize that one thing that will never die within me is the love for the blonde eyed boy that just so happened to be brought in my life.

out of nowhere, i lean over then kiss him.

luke giggles into my lips, and kisses back, "ashton, what was that for?"

i shrug, "i'm just so happy to have you in my life, lukey." 

luke blushes, "ashyy, stawp."

i kiss him repeatedly, all over his face.

michael fake pukes, "you two are nasty."

"nasty? oh, no, i like romantic better. i'm simply trying to spend as much time as i can with my baby before our time is up."

calum and michael both roll their eyes as we, finally, park at the mall.

i get out, then open the door for luke. his eyes, his smile looking up at me is all i ever want.

_i just need him._

having this boy in my life has opened up a door i kept closed and locked. the door to death is the one that's bolted shut now.

he's like my little sunflower.

luke is a slice of whatever golden utopia we dream about, he is a drop of sunlight in my hand. he is like the smoothness of drinking honey from a rose, sipping wine from silk. a dash of the sweet life, an escape from reality. up to heaven he takes you with his lips, to the quiet seaside with his eyes. swim in the ocean with me, he says, drowning not in the water, but his soul. the stars beckon to his call, all is calm with him. relaxing storms and stories is what he speaks. lost in outer space with him, another universe with him, he is my everything.

every ounce of love and affection i have in me is being given to _him_ , no one else.

is really what living is supposed to be? you fall in love with someone, get a two story home with a white picket fence and maybe a dog? who knows. 

my life is different. my life is not in the form of a heavy metal tank i carry around.

life and living to me is in the form of a blue eyed, sandy haired boy with the heart of gold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tried to make this longer, hopefully its good lolz


	11. day ten.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> luke realizes something, but keeps it a secret.
> 
> also, the lovey dovey sexy times occur.

_luke's pov_

 

to put it straightforward, i was dying. 

i knew it from the moment i had that attack, from not being able to breathe.

the doctors told me everything.

basically, my heart is very slowly starting to deteriorate. it's growing too big, taking up too much space inside my tiny body. whenever i do a lot of activities, like running or even walking up some stairs, it overworks me and my heart begins to function too fast for my lungs to keep up with. 

i didn't tell ashton that, why would i? we make each other so incredibly happy, i don't want to break that smile. if i do die soon, i want to die knowing ashton was as happy as he could be. 

ashton and i had a conversation the night before. he told me the story of his family, how his father left. apparently, his mother had dropped him off at the hospital, and ashton never saw her or his siblings again. 

he told me that he won't cry whenever i leave. he told _me_ not to cry if he leaves first. ashton said that he will be happy for me. 

"i will be extremely empty and sad, alone, when you are gone, but knowning you are not suffering anymore will comfort me." he said to me at 2am, moonlight and city stars sparkling through the window onto the floor of our hotel room.

i don't think he had ever held onto me so tight that night.

—

it was around 8:30 pm when calum and michael dropped us off at the hotel.

we were stuffed, but it was a good feeling to have a shit ton of food in my stomach. i guess. 

i sat down on the bed and watched ashton get undressed. 

his back had scars, every one looking like a little galaxy. despite his illness, ashton was still muscular. his arms always made me feel secure. 

"ashton."

he turns his head, the setting sun painting reds and oranges against his face. "yes, luke?"

"i love you."

ashton smiles, crawling into bed in just his boxers, warm arms engulfing me. 

"i love you, too."

i smile and rest my head on his chest. 

"you're so hot." 

ashton chuckles and it goes straight down…well, you know where. 

suddenly, his voice turns raspy, "am i baby? y'know, i wish we could make love. or fuck. but i'm just too scared i'm gonna hurt you, buttercup."

his soft lips soon find my neck, very gently kissing and pecking. 

"i'm sure it won't hurt us." i breathe, leaning my head back so he has more room.

"would it be awkward to ask alex?" he ponders, hands finding their way down my pants to grip my ass. 

damn, does it feel good. 

i shake my head, so i text her and ask her. 

"s-she said yes." i squeak as ashton sucks multiple hickeys into my neck.

ashton smirks then goes up to my mouth, kissing me gently, then hard and greedy. 

ashton takes off my pants, still kissing feverishly. 

despite how heated the kissing, the touching and small moans that had ensuded, ashton seemed to be doing all this with love. 

he brought two of his absurdly long fingers up to my mouth, "can you suck on them baby? i wanna prep you, don't wanna hurt my tiny angel."

i blush and do as he says, sucking innocently on his fingers. 

ashton slowly pulls them out then spreads my legs, biting his lip. "fuck. you're so beautiful, baby boy."

i whimper at the pet name, "t-thank you."

i feel him slide in just one finger and i throw my head back, another whimper slipping through my lips. i tangle one of my hands in ashton's hair as he pumps that one finger in and out. 

"feel good, princess?" his voice asks huskily.

i nod rapidly, "more, please." i notice my own voice is growing more breathy and submissive. 

i can see without even looking that ashton's smirk is growing on his pretty face as he slides in another finger. 

i moan loudly as he moves both fingers in fast, scissoring motion, sending me straight to heaven. 

"don't cum yet baby, wait for me, okay?" ashton drags his lips up and down my thighs, leaving the occasional hickey.

i nod, "o-okay ohh, s-stop stop im 

g-gonna cum." i grip his wrist, and he gradually slows down, taking out his fingers and sucking on them.

"mm, you taste good baby boy."

i blush and giggle, "thanks."

before he continues, he grabs some strawberry lube (of course, what a weirdo.) and a condom. 

ashton dims the lights, the contrast of sunset and moonrise adding to the romantic vibe.

i see ashton's figure over me, his green eyes looking at me lovingly.

he slides on the condom, then lubes himself up. i hear a low groan come from him, then he leans down, kissing me again.

"are you sure you want this baby boy? i don't want to hurt you." ashton asks softly.

i nod, "please, ashton. i love you, i trust you. i know damn well you'd never hurt me on purpose."

ashy smiles, kissing me again, and leaving his lips lingering as he gradually pushed himself into me.

i moan softly into his neck, the feeling of being filled up like this is overwhelming. 

ashton groans, scooping up my body in my arms. "tell me when i can move, darling."

for a few seconds, we sit, bodies pressed up against each other, hearts beating as one. 

"m-move." i manage to get out. 

ashton beings to move, thrusting at a steady pace. 

my nails find his back, scratching down, thinking that that'll sure leave marks. 

i shiver, letting out quiet huffs and high-pitched whimpers as ashton works himself deeper. 

he's mumbling sweet nothings into my skin, his hands roaming up and down my small frame. 

his rose lips find mine, kisses turn passionate, his thrusts loving and deep. 

i felt like i was in heaven. 

i bring my legs up, wrapping them around ashton's wasit, pushing down on him slightly. i trail my hands up to his hair, whimpering like a crazy mess in love. 

as i push ashton down deeper with my heels, i feel him hit that one spot, causing me to moan out, "s-shit, ashton, r-right there."

ashton goes just a little faster, our breathing both picking up at the same time as we approach our highs. 

just as the older boy on top of me changes speed, we cum at the same time, moans and pants filling the room. 

it's such a wave of good feeling, i almost pass out. 

apparently, i do, for a split second. 

ashton gently pulls out, throwing away the condom. he disappears for a minute, coming back a washcloth and fresh pajamas.

he carefully cleans me up, changing me into the sweatpants and tucking me in with clean sheets. 

once he crawls into bed with me, the lights now turned off and moonlight being the only thing filling up the room, i have never felt more loved and cared for.

"that was amazing." i say softly into ashton's chest. 

he smiles into my head full of hair, "i'm glad, lukey. i love you so much."

i press a gentle kiss to his collar bones as i begin to grow tired, "i love you, too."

ashton reaches over, turning on ocean wave sounds, as thats something we always heard back home. 

"sleep, my love. i'll take you to a nice breakfast tomorrow."

i mumble an answer back before drifting off. 


	12. day eleven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they go back home and ashton gets news.

_luke's pov_

 

i expected to wake up in the luxorious hotel that quietly stood amoungst skyscrapers in a busy city.

but no.

i was met with the pink walls i knew all too well back home in california. 

ashton was awake, tears on his hospital gown.

"ashton? what happened?" 

he turns to look at me with bloodshot eyes, "we had to come home…i'm so sorry, lukey."

"but, why? what happened?"

"we're dying, luke."

i just look down and don't say anything. why tell me something i already know?

the weather is dark and gloomy, the rain pouring down on the roof.

everything seemed different. the smoke, the smell of death and tears seemed more apparent in the air.

the walls almost were grey, not pink. 

ashton's smile and happiness seemed to have drained from his body. 

the color in our life was erased. 

and the events that were about to come would only worsen our lives. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres a super short filler, prepare for some angst and tears


	13. Jupiter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if i lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

_ashton's pov._

 

_the world was dark now._

_it was cold. grey. empty._

_i couldn't breathe. i couldn't see. i felt like i was suffocating in my own bones. my heart was overflowing and it was seeping into the cracks of my broken body. my lungs choking me, closing up my throat._

_i just hoped that the fractions of glass and heart, the messes and chaos i left_ _behind actually mattered._

_i kissed luke one last time. it felt nice. he smiled at me, and spoke to me, "i know it hurts. we'll both make it through together."_

_he wanted to be hopeful, positive. but, at this point, all faith had been lost._

_our little happiness had been turned into four white walls._

_luke told me heaven isn't like this._

_he told me it's black._

_chasing cars begins to play and the stars fade to nothing._

 

_—_

_48 hours earlier_

"ashton! you dickhead!" michael has a pout on his face as i steal his last fry.

i giggle, "fries are a luxury i rarely get. hospital food is like you're eating sandpaper."

"that is a true statement." luke chimes in. 

"that's sucks." calum giggles.

 it was a brisk afternoon on a balcony at some resturant near times square. urban outfitters, lush, sephora, and forever 21 bags lay around us at our table. 

michael had gotten a new tattoo; it read _to the moon._

i thought it was quiet nice. 

"i feel like we should recreate ferris bulller's day off."

"buuuuuuller." calum says in the same voice from the movie.

that causes luke to laugh, "buuuller." he immitates.

"that's, like, the best movie ever." michael giggles.

"eh. can't buy me love, though." i say, sipping my cherry coke.

"oh, patrick dempsey is such a dream." luke gushes.

i roll my eyes playfully at luke, he just sticks his tongue out at me.

"the man has a point." calum says in agreement.

as soon as we pay for our check, we make our way down to the modern museum of art. i was jumping out of my skin in excitement, this was my dream. 

monet's, van gogh's paintings would be right in front of me!

luke was smiling fondly at me as we stood in the museum. 

here i was, starting at the one and only starry night.

this painting seems like a cliche to most, but it holds a special place in my heart. my mother was a huge artist. she painted, sculpted, wrote music, all sorts of things. when i was little, she had this projector that would show all sorts of paintings on the ceiling of my room. starry night was the first one that seemed to…connect with me.

my mom always told me that art is an escape from reality. there is no right, wrong, or in between. art is something that you can manipulate, create and make your own. you are free, she said. you hold power in the form of a paintbrush, marker, pencil. art is art and that is all.

i was so entranced in my thoughts i didn't notice luke falling to the floor.

i didn't notice the sirens. 

i didn't realize my own heart beginning to stop.

i didn't hear the cries of calum and michael. 

i didn't notice death was waiting at my door.

—

west hollywood, california.

providence saint joseph medical center.

8:15 pm.

 

this wasn't our hospital. 

it was grey. white. pale blue.

i look over at luke, he matched those colors.

funny how i realized too late that we were just growing more devoid of any life and breath was dangling, barely in reach.

"ashton?" he questions.

i look down, there's tear stains on my shirt.

"y-yes?" 

"what happened?"

no clue.

"w-we had to come h-home. i'm so sorry." i answer instead.

luke looks up at the ceiling. "this place…is this where we die?"

i don't say a word.

i didn't want to die. 

had god given me a good life so far just to end it? tear it to pieces? was he even up there, listening, can't he see what he's done?

luke turns and looks at me, "i love you, ashton."

i reach to hold his hand, but he is too far away. 

tears begin to silently stream down my face and i feel my body shake from the racking sobs overtaking me.

i feel so weak, god it fucking hurts, this hurts. i can't even lift my hand to wipe away the tears.

"i-i love you l-luke," i manage to get out. "i love y-you. thank y-you for being my first and l-last love…" 

i cut myself off when i hear his heart moniter go down.

slowly…slowly…slowly…

to a flat line. 

i feel my heart get ripped out of my chest, everything in my body stops.

"i-i hope there's a dollhouse up in heaven for you…" i whisper ever so slightly. i close my eyes.

—


	14. epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH OKAY SOrry i wont yell but omg ogkogmgogkgo thank you soososososo much to everyone who actually read this??? liek??? its not even that good. anywaay, hope you guys enjoyed this. sorry it had to end so sadly. if i get enough feedback i might do an alternate ending ;)  
> if ya wanna see mah art, my insta is @/jcpanmikey! hmu!  
> again thank you sososo incredibly much ily

_luke and ashton's funeral, august 3rd in new york city, new york._

_these are the words of michael._

luke hemmings died at the age of 20, in providence saint jospeh medical center in west hollywood, California at 8:20 pm on july 31st, 2017.

ashton irwin, luke's significant other, died just three minutes later.

the two boys were inseparable.

they shared every moment together, every dream, song, and even shared the same medicine.

calum smiles a little.

there was something about them. i don't know what. ashton was a poet, a boy with ambitions. however, he let them be crushed by his cancer.

luke, on the other hand, was optimistic and would do anything to make ashton happy, hopeful. luke risked his life to fly himself and ashton here to new york city. luke knew damn well that it would turn out horrible in the long run.

luke knew they just had time. he wanted to make the most of it.

ashton told me that, before he met luke, he spent every day waiting for death to open his front door.

michael chokes up.

i talked to ashton again and he told me, luke has changed me. i can't believe, looking back on it now, that i wasted away precious moments thinking like that.

i had never seen someone change another person like that.

they found love in the darkest of times, even when angels were hovering over their heads.

and now…michael sniffs, turning to the coffins. they'll be together forever, just like they promised.

calum sets a pink rose atop luke and ashton both.

the skies are clear, sun shining.

two little boys are heard giggling from down the road.

seems as if the dollhouse is just as magical as ashton had hoped.


End file.
